I don’t really know how to host a blog per se. I think everything on here’s kinda been like a logging or a tracking or a tracing of some sort of interest or another and that’s been fun and that’s been easy for me to do but… now I’m heading into a few life changes that feel like I should record, mostly for me, but maybe for others who might be scared or nervous or worried like I was.
It’s been one week since I started on testosterone.
Yeah I did my embarrassing little video before, I did the first hit of gel (yeah its the gel), got my blood tested (still healing this dang bruise geeze) and uhhh so far…? I don’t feel much.
And like don’t get me wrong this isn’t something I expected to have some CRAZY effects right away. I did my research, talked to my docs. I knew what I was getting into.
I’ll admit though,the way I had to go about getting into HRT here in my city… there were a few more hoops than expected. Some of them, not entirely legal on the part of the practitioners but when they’re the one hurdle between you and something that’s been on your mind for ….literally years… you’ll do pretty much anything.
Anyways, at 33 years old I still had to get permission from my GP (makes the most sense ie–they are the one allegedly following my health and have the best idea if that’s something that would be okay for me to pursue–I say “allegedly” because I’ve been on the list for a GP in the public system for 5 years now before I just fucking got fed up and went private. whatever.) and permission from a psychologist which was… pretty infantilising but like whatever right?
There’s nothing wrong with therapy or psychological health. Actually that’s a story for another time personally, I’d like to get tested for something or other–but having to get a permission slip from a stranger who has to write a letter on my behalf saying that “yeah, he is, in fact, transgender please give him the juice” is a bit of a humiliation that doesn’t sit right with me. The psychologist I spoke to was really nice, and even admitted that the endocrinologist wasn’t technically legally allowed to ask for this note, but things…. are strained on the part of transgender folks right now so. They were kind enough to give me an excellent letter of recommendation anyway.
So that not only could I see an endo, but I could also do it on our public healthcare. Wow. I really hope Canada doesn’t get rid of that anytime soon!
Preamble sorted–I saw an endocrinologist… my guy is an older gent with such a casual ease around transgender identity and walked me through things I might expect, asked me about whatever fears I had about going on… “testo” –his word, now mine, what my preferred method to take it was.
I’ve heard the back and forth about whether injections or gel were ‘better’ and honestly… a lot of it is heresay or myth. At least according to my guy. The dosage in these first months whether gel or injection would be the same. So it was really a preference on my part. This is a long game no matter what. The strength of the dosage doesn’t really make things Go Faster. If that makes sense?
Anyway. I picked gel and I don’t have much of a reason for it other than making it a daily habit felt less likely to make me forget to do it. We have a busy & unpredictable schedule as it is so it just IDK i just figured gel was easier??
Its interesting though. This stuff smells more like hand sanitiser and has that consistency more than the gel itself… and boy do I have hand-washing anxiety after applying now. Its a bit more tedious than I anticipated, I think?? But it works. I slap that shit on my belly in the mornings while Ghost eats his diabetes meds and the two of us are really just gettin better day by day.
So it’s been a week and I mentioned earlier that I haven’t really noticed a change but there are subtler things that I’m trying to let myself notice without telling myself it’s all in my head. Watch out I’m about to get real TMI, real NSFW probably?? Whatever.
So far I’m clocking:
HEADACHES — this is more of a me-thing. my migraines were sometimes triggered by my period/hormones so the first day on T-gel gave me a wicked one. I’ve been pretty good since then even with the weather deciding to be Sweltering.
SMELL — so like, 2 minutes before I started this I heard, to might slight mortification, that Boy Smell is a thing and i was a bit terrified that it would be BAD–it’s fine? my B.O. has definitely changed a little bit but I don’t hate it…. more to come as this progresses LOL
SKIN (?) — idk if this one’s mental or not but the skin where I’m applying the T is already feeling a bit tougher? less soft.
DOWNSTAIRS — hm… downstairs and libido were sure on the tip top of the list of things to start changing and I’m already feeling those effects. (also picture me having a movie-flashback to that one table at the queer market that was selling pussy moisturizer and realising how nice that might feel on my currently dry-ass cooch–look I DID say it was gonna get TMI)
GREASEBALL — I would have put this earlier but it’s really only starting to hit now at the start of my second week. My face feels oily and my hair’s not far behind. I know the acne is coming it’s inescapable //buries face in my hands–I’m gonna have to maybe find a decent face wash…
That’s all I got for now. Not sure how often I’ll update… maybe once a week for the first month? Maybe once a month? Depends on how far my changes move along!
Fingers crossed for my vocal chords getting crunchyyy!