EWTO stands for (Excuses We Tell Ourselves) maybe I’ll make this into a thing maybe not we’ll find out.
Starting off the new year fresh talking about the GYM as I return home from the GYM. I’m going to use this time to speak to an older version of myself… that I’m sure a lot of artists can relate to. This is important advice. So listen up.
Or don’t, what do I care? I’m not your dad.
YOU NEED TO EXERCISE
No, I’m not being hyperbolic, I’m not trying to give you an identity crisis. This isn’t about weight, this isn’t trying to FLEX (though if you want me to ;> I will).
- You spend a LOT of time sitting. Like a LOT a LOT.
- You spend a LOT of time creating a repetitive motion with your arm.
- You spend a lot of time bent over your work, I’m sure your lower back is crying for attention.
- You maybe even spend a good chunk of time Actually Lifting (for conventions… for travel to these conventions… unless you make someone else do it… then it’s just embarrassing)*
*Look don’t try to read bullshit into this, you can choose to read this disingenuously and argue with a fake version of what’s going on here or you can keep reading.
LETS START WITH THE EXCUSES YOU ALREADY STARTED CONJURING IN YOUR HEAD WHILE YOU WERE READING THIS BEFORE YOU EVEN DECIDED TO GIVE ME A SHOT IN EXPLAINING THINGS–
But, I get headaches, won’t this make those worse?
Fun fact, sometimes this helps reduce migraines and it actually HAS done so in my case, I used to get 2-3 migraines a week on bad weeks, now I get maybe 1-2 headaches a month on bad months (notice the uh drop from migraine to headache–CANDIDLY– other factors HAVE influenced the decrease too, but this is one of the major ones).
But, I’m, like, really busy with doing Real Work.
Haha, that’s so funny. Is your work immediately life-threatening? No? Then you can Make Time to exercise. Block it out 2-3 times a week. Half an hour. You’ll notice a difference sooner than you think.
But I Don’t Like The Gym.
Okay, I sympathise here, the Gym as a workout space is not for everyone (honestly the fear of being somewhere New and Different stopped me a LOT at the beginning, especially–OHGOD–with gym bros around–(these guys are a lot less scary than you are making them out to be, I promise)). That doesn’t change the fact that you still have to exercise. But there ARE alternatives. We’ll talk about it later.
But the Gym is too far/too expensive.
Again, I sympathise, and, as mentioned above, there ARE alternatives to going to the gym & I have tried them myself. We’ll talk more in-depth about those later (or in another post… this one’s getting long-winded).
This exercise thing… it’s non-negotiable, friend. This is keeping your body from deteriorating, and allowing yourself to live more comfortably in the future when you’re in you’re 30s (and above) and can’t just take your rubber-bounce-back-youth for granted.
Okay, now that we’re done with that and we’re ready to read and take things in without making big excuses, let’s actually talk about what all of this means.
OK, SO I NEED TO EXERCISE, WHERE DO I EVEN START?
YES. OK.
We don’t want to start off hitting the ground running. We don’t want to start off hurting ourselves, friends, this is a new habit we’re cultivating into longevity.
You’re a shrimp. Literally. Figuratively. You need to start balancing yourself out. You need to start working your:
- Shoulders (watch your traps, those are the migraine bastards–for me anyway) focus on Deltoids.
- Upper Back (honestly your back is gonna be your main focus because a lot of your repetitive motion is in your front/pectorals)
- Abs & Lower Back (heehee we LOVE these guys–this is the one you’ll have to be careful about, start small with these guys & work Up)
- Arms (you’ll want to focus on strengthening your biceps & triceps & wrists to avoid putting strain on elbows)
- CARDIO. (this is really important, frankly, also doubles as leg-day because I just put my elliptical on high and muscle through it for a few minutes before ending on easier shit)
Well that’s nice, HIVVER, I have a lot of notes but what things should I be starting with?
IF YOU ARE GOING TO START WITH ANYTHING START WITH CARDIO.
I know… she’s the one we LOVE the most. //massive sarcasm
Okay so the thing with sitting all day is that your body doesn’t get enough circulation and your heart doesn’t get enough action. That leads to a lot of [medical shit] and I’m not a doctor, I just know they’re not wrong when people tout the age-old.
Sitting is the new smoking.
Now, cardio doesn’t mean you have to RUN or JOG or SPRINT or even SWEAT really. You just need something that is going to get you Moving.
I, personally, like a funky elliptical… I like a rowing bike (for like 5 minutes till I hit my 1000kms and then swap to elliptical). I do not like spinbikes… mostly bc i like the full-body push of elliptical.
Treadmills are my enemy but I will make pleasant with one if I must. I don’t like running on them because I get vertigo & always feel like I’m gonna slip and fall. When I have No Choice (bc all the ellipticals are occupied), I push that incline up to max and do my time that way. Slow but hard. ;>
BUT–listen I know, alternate-to-gym options include an age-old walk around your neighbourhood. Or, if you have one, a bike ride in the same vein. The point is to Move. Do anything. Go anywhere. You can do jumping jacks in your house. You can walk up and down the stairs in your building a couple times.
If you’re REALLY busy (ie: when I used to work part-time at my bookstore job) take the walk-option. Take the stairs through public transit. Fit it in & make it count.
THE IDEAL IS: 30 MINUTES.
But doing ANYTHING is better than nothing even if its 10-20 minutes.
TINY TIP: TREAT YOURSELF
Look, I honestly, to no shock or surprise, hated cardio to start. I struggled a lot with it especially moving to the city (i used to bike a lot in the ‘burbs and loooved it). I used to get a lot of dizzy spells because I’d push too hard, wouldn’t be eating nearly enough to power through something like that. The only way I got through it to start (to the point where I actually enjoy it now) is to treat myself to some sweet jams.
(Here’s what I’m listening to these days, in no particular order:
- Spencer Sutherland’s THE DRAMA album
- Kite Machine’s self-titled THE KITE MACHINE album
- Anything Des Rocs (shh)
- Easy – Son Lux
- Killer – Sordid Pink
- Supernatural – World’s First Cinema
- Monolith – Twin Pumpkin)
At first it was a dedicated play-list. But now I just hop around between upbeat tracks and the occasional slow ride (gotta catch your breath once in a while). Something that small can really change the way a workout rolls. I feel honestly naked without my earbuds for cardio if I don’t have them with me. Turns out Cardio & my 30 minutes of it lets me melt away from my pent up stress & anxiety. Now the weeks I DON’T get to do it I feel like a husk of a person LOL.
But say, you don’t really care about music or that’s not a big enough draw.
Look, I don’t know you, but I do know a lot of you could use some Time Away From The Internet. Cardio can bring you outside, experience your local communities, discover new places in your neighbourhood. Cardio can make you look at a really beautiful day and go, ‘actually a walk WOULD be nice today’.
Disconnect. It’s fine. We’ll all still be here when you get back. Please.
IT’S TIME TO BRING OUT THE GUNS… FOR STRENGTH TRAINING.
[insert a sly little smirk here]
No, you can’t get out of this one, babes.
No, stretches are actually Not Enough to prevent carpal tunnel.
Yes, this is actually important.
You need to strengthen the opposite muscles you’re constantly stressing.
This doesn’t mean picking up the biggest weight you possibly can and doing as many reps as you can with that weight (you can hurt yourself doing that… pls don’t).
There are hundreds of exercises you can do to work out the parts of your body mentioned above. I think I’ve rambled on here enough this post is getting a bit long so maybe I’ll highlight some of my favourite exercises in a different post + at home alts I do with my partner… another time.
If you’re impatient and want to get working now…
You will want to prioritise weight training your upper back and AVOID pectorals until you’ve trained your back enough to compensate for your shimp-age. If you don’t want CRAZY GAINS (aesthetically speaking) you will want a lower weight setting with More Reps vs a higher weight setting with fewer reps.
Here’s a bit of a low-down in case none of that made sense: because I’m strength-training for muscle gain & strength gain I’ll set my machines at 20 KG pushing the weight up off my back, 35 KG to pull the weight down towards my chest both of these repeated 7 times, take a 60 second break and repeat that 7 for 3 rounds. If I didn’t want to gain muscle mass I’d change the 7 to 13-15 and keep the 3x but at a lower weight setting (20KG –> 10KG or 35KG –> 15KG).
For those curious I’m strength training to be able to much more easily lift 45-50KG because that’s the minimum weight requirements for a LARGE suitcase on most airlines… and I gotta drag that shit through public transit to GET to the airport so you know. Ulterior Motives and all that.
The reason I really like the gym for strength training is that I can use machines that help not only illustrate what part of the body that machine works on, but it also usually encourages you to use proper form. Lower your weight settings, use the diagrams, focus on getting the shape of the motion right so that you aren’t hurting yourself. Free weights are wobbly for me, I also get flustered easily around other people so I’m practising with my own set at home. It’s easier now that I’ve built a muscle memory from the machines at the gym I feel like I have more control.
RULE OF THUMB: if you ever feel a sharp pain especially in your joints doing ANY exercise, stop your set & STRETCH. If you keep going you might give yourself long-term damage (it’s a pain in the ass but better safe than sorry).*
*This is also important with CARDIO… repetitive running motions can put a lot of strain on your knees & ankles so pay attention you’re not overdoing things… also a good time to makes sure you’re running & walking form is good.
The point of exercise is to do it with intention. Don’t forget to activate your abs while you’re walking, running. This builds a good core that helps that poor lower back of yours from crying for help.
Unlike cardio, there’s no work-around to strength training, really, just that it takes maybe 10 minutes on 2-3 exercises and you’re done. Do them at home, do them at the gym, but just do them. Please. It really does make a difference.
I’m also just really tired of hearing artists complain about carpal tunnel/tennis elbow when like there’s a preventative right here.
YOU BETTER BE STRETCHING.
Look, stretching isn’t the end all be all but it is mandatory after working out.
This one’s self-explanatory, before you work out you gotta warm up–(yes I… I totally do this…//okiforgetsometimes) and stretch out all the muscles you just worked out right after the big work out.
I won’t pretend I’m perfect. This is the ideal. But really you’re only going to regret it later after resting, that you DIDN’T stretch those muscles you used… trust me.
If you didn’t stretch right after a work out, its never too late, you can always stretch later but like, beware because all that lactic acid you just let out of your muscles from training’s gonna make them ache something fierce.
Stretching can honestly only do so much but this is a good preventative measure, overall. I was being harsh earlier but if you CAN’T fit a work out in one day, make sure you’re stretching if you’re doing lots of desk work. You probably know this, I’m just reminding you. If you haven’t stretched today… do it now. Take a few minutes.
OK ONE LAST THING BEFORE I’M DONE WITH MY SOAPBOX SCREED — BREAKS.
Like everything you need these. Take them. Seriously. From work, from gym, from stress. You owe it to yourself to take an hour out of your day minimum, to do absolutely nothing, sit and listen to tunes with your eyes closed. Read a couple chapters of your book. Have a cup of tea, a little drink. Sit in a park and breathe.
Also don’t sweat taking a week off Gym/exercise once in a while. The rest does just as much good as the exercise does, especially if you keep consistent with it.
Okay I think that’s ENOUGH shaking you and making you listen to my rabid rant about working out. I just want you to be living your best life out there…
Also if you got this far, could you do me a solid, especially if you’re masc-core because this is the one thing absolutely obliterating my brain when I go to the gym:
WHAT THE FUCK DOES A DUDE WEAR TO THE GYM…to pass… as a dude pls… im begging…where do u shop for athletic apparel that isn’t leggigns… but also won’t make me fry at the gym because our gym is right by a pool so the heating is blasting all the time–also mm don’t like shorts v much unless i have to–
OK BYEE~
DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor. Just a guy whose tried some shit and its worked at making me feel better overall. Like I said, this is more of a screed scolding my past self for waiting so long to really make the leap.
If you were looking for someone to make that push for you, here it is <3